Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Dealing With Self-Doubt as a Mom: The Big Yellow Bus

Struggling with Self Doubt
I can't explain why this picture can in the same moment make me both envy the classroom for my child and be thankful that he doesn't have to go through it
"With great power comes great responsibility."
You want to know a secret?

I struggle with self doubt as a mom. A lot. Often multiple times a day, every day of my life.

I wonder if I am doing enough, if I am being enough, or doing too much, or doing something when I should be doing something else.

I don't know why. Because deep down, I know I'm doing ok. I know my kids are ok. Maybe not perfect. But I know that at least most of the time I am a "good" mom.

Even still, I just can't ever seem to shake it. I can't ever seem to stop questioning myself.
This time of year for one reason or another always brings some intense internal struggles. I get on my computer and am bombarded with pictures of all my friends' kids on their first day of school. The backpacks. The bus. The desks. The new teachers.

And I can't figure out why it bothers me so much.
Maybe it's because I feel some sort of isolation. Alone. Different. Out of place.

No one in my circle of friends home schools.

And certainly no one I know home schools the way I do. Teaching a few grade levels above age.

Teaching young. A lifestyle of learning many useful and interesting things.


So some silly thought process repeats over and over again in my head.

Feeling that maybe if all of these people that I respect and care about are choosing a certain thing for their kids, then, well, I don't know. Maybe they're onto something? Maybe I really am crazy? Maybe I am going to mess up my kids, somehow, someway?

The thoughts aren't so much on an intellectual level as they are on an emotional level.

Because I know in my head that what I am doing is, in the very least, the best thing for my kids. For my family. For this time in our lives.

Intellectually I can clearly and concisely tell you a thousand reasons why I am doing what I'm doing. Why I choose to do things differently. Why it benefits our lives, and makes us a better family, and individually better people.

But on an emotional level, that picture of your kid in his third grade classroom makes me question myself in a way that just doesn't make any sense.


Do you ever struggle with self-doubt as a parent, whether you home school or not, even if it doesn't always make sense?

“For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord's.”Romans 14:8
My boys are currently 7 years, 4 months old and 1 year, 2 months old


  1. Hi elizabeth,

    I just found your website and feels are doing a very super job as a mom. I am currently doing all Doman things too for Arka, same age as Damien. But reading your curriculum for him..WOW how can you survive it?

    Currently, Arka and I are having field trip twice per day (morning and afternoon) and creative things in the mid day. His read and math program are a bit postponed due to I’m exhausted with the “mom” job and must preparing the material. On the other hand I know that his brain time is clicking.

    We have our swimming program 1-2 x/week. I find much easier teach him swimming with instructional video by Aquatic Achiever, a swimming school from Australia. You can see it on

    Can you tell me how to manage your time, what to do from morning till evening, until your children fallen asleep and how much time you spend to prepare for materials. And do you do this all by yourself? Including cook and laundry?

    Because I’m losing my energy here but feel supported reading your website ��

    Thanks so much
    Jakarta, Indonesia

    October 18, 2012

  2. Everyone’s way of raising kids is different, and therefore in some senses, an experiment. I think that is one thing that makes us doubt, especially if our “way” seems especially different than what is typical around us. I sure had that kind of thoughts about home birth…I knew it was a safe option given my health and my midwife’s preparations/skills/equipment, but on an emotional level there were moments of doubt.

    September 1, 2012

  3. You ARE A great mom and your are doing GREAT for your sons and your family. Take it one day, one week, one month and one (school) year at a time. Take advantage of the blessed fact that at this point in time you have the CHOICE of Home or Public school for your boys.

    Later on, God willing, you may have no choice. So enjoy the blessing that is choice while you have it and don’t doubt or worry.

    Anytime you feel the doubt, go and hug, kiss or smile at Hunter and Damien. (A seemingly small liberty that a great many parents don’t have between the hours of 7:30am-4pm)

    August 17, 2012


Thank you for your comments!